5-Year-Old Descendant of Davy Crockett Kills Bear

Last night I caught wind of that rather unusual headline on ESPN's frontpage. Whether it was just a slow sports news day or the editors really felt this should be celebrated, I do not know, but I clicked on the story anyway.

Maybe it's because I recently watched the most vile (not viral) internet video of all time, "Shake That Bear", but I don't think this story wasn't handled with a lot of grace.

Little Tre Merritt, 5!!!, was out hunting with his grandfather when a black bear "happened upon their stand."

"I was up in the stand and I seen the bear," Tre Merritt said. "It came from the thicket and it was beside the road and I shot it."

Tre seen that bear and done killed it. And boy was his "paw-paw" ever proud. After all, it's entirely relevant to know that this was no small bear.

The bear turned out to be 445 pounds — 12 times the weight of Tre. Mike Merritt said tears rolled down his cheeks when he found out his grandson killed the enormous bear.

Tears? If Jesus' cure cancer, I think Mr. Merritt's probably cause it.

And yes, Tre is the super-great-grandson of Davy Crockett, who paw-paw reckons probably didn't really kill a bear when he was three like legend tells us. This makes Tre's murder all the more kick ass! Because if Tre actually killed a bear as a kindergartner, what's in store for the rest of his life? Certainly he'll have a signature cap. At the very least, he'll be a lifelong responsible gun-owner. But I see bigger things, possibly a presidential future. I can see the attack ads now:

"George Washington chopped down a cherry tree? Fag. Tre Merritt killed a fucking bear."

In the immediate future, Trey wants to kill a turkey, his neighbor's dog and read The Most Dangerous Game for inspiration.

Make sure to watch the local news video to get a feel for these Crocket descendants and the Little Rock newscasters who are equally proud of the young man's accomplishment.

For some reason I'm not as impressed. Maybe if the bear was pregnant...

EDIT: CNN has picked up the story. Video here.